Traveling the Hills and Valleys of Menopause Mayhem

Struggling through the turbulent times of menopause, I found myself retreating from the world, even my husband. It was a challenging period, filled with isolation, depression, and countless sleepless nights. My mom had a similar experience during her menopause phase, and an unexpected ally in her obsession with owls. Join us in this intimate episode where we open up about these personal experiences and explore the hard realities of menopause and depression.

Have you ever experienced the desperation of wanting to seek help but not knowing how? The feeling can be paralyzing. Amanda, my podcast partner, and I share our struggles and our paths to seeking help before hitting rock bottom. Our journey hasn't been an easy one, it's filled with battles against insomnia, anxiety, and the societal pressures intensified by social media. We also pay tribute to Matthew Perry, whose recent passing has served as a stark reminder that mental health struggles are not confined to any gender or status.

The episode culminates with a heartening note on women empowerment and solidarity during trying times. The power of community support cannot be overstated. We explore various avenues of help like telehealth, which allow you to seek support from the comfort of your home. This episode is a testament to the strength and resilience women can harness during difficult periods in life. So sit back, listen in, and join our journey towards understanding and navigating the challenges of menopause and depression.

Menopausal Mayhem Mothers on Instagram

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

You're listening to the what Women Want Today podcast. If you love the idea of being part of a community of women who are looking to thrive, not just survive, you're in the right place. Join hosts Terry Cullums and Amanda Keeper each week, as they bring you topics and guests to help you improve your relationships, your health and your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Speaker 2: 0:28

Hello, my friends, welcome to this week's episode. Everyone to the what Women Want Today podcast. Right by my name is Terry Cullums.

Speaker 3: 0:35

I am Amanda Keeper, back at it today. Good morning Terry.

Speaker 2: 0:39

Good morning. This is officially the earliest we have ever recorded a podcast.

Speaker 3: 0:44

I was just wondering if you were going to mention that it's 7.30 where you are.

Speaker 2: 0:48

Holy cow, I have this wonderful mug. If you're watching this on YouTube, it's this coffee snob which I own. I own the coffee snob title and my girlfriend bought for me from Goodwill and I have shots three and four of espresso in here today. So I am ready, although I will say that I'm not sharing much of a filter this early in the morning. So we're going to see how this conversation goes today.

Speaker 3: 1:16

I have the owl mug here, so hoping to share some wisdom with the ladies today.

Speaker 2: 1:23

Yeah, so you know my mom had an obsession with owls? No, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2: 1:28

Yeah, every time I see owls like do you remember when you're growing up? I don't know if you ever thought like this because it's probably not your thing, but like I remember growing up, my mom was obsessed with the color orange. Of course it was the 70s, so everybody can just picture the rust everywhere. You know the rust color orange. And she had those doilies you know those crochet doilies on every single table. So my job was to dust and I had to remove those stupid doilies from and I swore to myself I was never going to have the color orange, a doily or a freaking owl in my house.

Speaker 3: 2:04

And here I am on the podcast with an owl cup in an orange, burnt orange sweater.

Speaker 2: 2:09

Well, the truth of it is I actually have some owls in my house because I think they're like a nod to her. I love like the little little nod that nobody else knows, but they're there and I actually do like orange a lot, so mostly.

Speaker 3: 2:25

Teri, we were just talking last night on the phone about why you started this podcast in the first place, and already we're talking about your mom this morning. Remind me and the listeners why you started this podcast.

Speaker 2: 2:38

Yeah, you know, we always see everything better in hindsight, right? So I remember our mom was here, a point in which I had some level of consciousness that my mom had changed, like she wasn't the mom that I remember from like my earlier younger years. And you know, you're in your like early 20s and you're so focused on everything going on in your own life. I don't think I gave it much thought, but later on, as I started going through some of my own menopause journey, I reflected back on that time and I thought, oh my gosh, she must have suffered so much, and part of her suffering, the way she coped with it, was to withdraw and she was very depressed, for the majority of it used alcohol as a way to, I think, numb what she was going through, what she was feeling, and, yeah, she didn't sleep, she didn't insomnia, and so when I start going to do it, I thought, you know, this is crap, and this was after you and I had already gotten certified from John Maxwell for the leadership and coaching and speaking and training, and I didn't quite know what I was going to do with it yet. And then the pandemic hit and then I was like, okay, I want to help women. What am I going to help them with? I want to help them find purpose for their lives and feel more fulfilled in this time of life.

Speaker 2: 4:01

But I also want to build a community where these women don't feel like they have to go through it alone. You know, it's the going through it alone. I think that makes it all so much more magnified. And you and I've talked about it a little bit like it's so tough when you're in the middle of one of the, you know, like the valleys, you know you feel like the Tilden valleys, and when you're in one of the valleys, super tough to reach out. Because wouldn't you rather hear from me when I say, oh my gosh, amanda, I just went on this amazing hike and I saw, you know, these amazing wildlife, or it was just beautiful, incredible the sunsets, whatever. I feel like you would rather share from me? This is my story I tell myself I'd rather pick up the phone and talk to Amanda when I have something exciting going on, some joy to share, than to call you up and say you know, I'm having a shit day today.

Speaker 3: 4:49

Amanda, feel it crap today, right, nothing feels good about menopause today yeah, well, I really resonate with that because I I am like your mom. I withdraw when I'm having a really really hard time. I mean, I withdraw from everybody, including my own husband, and he will, he will notice it and he will say that. You know, like when I come out of it he'll, he'll say things like I'm so glad you're back, like I'm so glad you're back to yourself. But, like you know, it's almost debilitating to me. I don't want to answer the phone, I don't want to answer text messages, I don't want to get out of bed a lot of times when I'm in one of those valleys. And so you talking about your mom, like that, I really resonate with that.

Speaker 2: 5:34

And now that you say that I remember my mom and she was probably around the same age period, menopausal I started to notice her changes as well and she, I just noticed depression, like I have very vivid images of my mom having depression and didn't know it, and I didn't didn't know how to identify when it was yeah, I, when I was going through one of these valleys, um, a couple years back, when we were living in the little town outside of Miss Kate Nevada, I developed this thing that I call rur, a minimum required effort, and it was my way of just it's like a little life hack, like my way of saying like you don't have to do it all, but you do have to do this very minimum amount. Today, like whether that was shower, yeah, because, let's face it, you know, when we're going through it, like we don't care, yeah, um, I would have to. You know like it would be showering, it would be. You know like doing some laundry would be going for a walk outside. Like I had these little things, these little mind hacks, where I would say to myself you don't have to do everything, but you do have to do the minimum required effort. And then, oftentimes, like once I got into it, you know like I could kind of pull myself up for the day and and be okay.

Speaker 2: 6:47

And you know there are other mind hacks like, um, trying to focus on gratefulness. You know like I will walk through my house and if I am feeling kind of blah, I will, you know, try to use my senses to try to pull out things I'm grateful for, like, oh, I can smell fresh air. Today I've got them. I'm grateful I can have the windows open. You know what I mean, like those kind of things. But before we dive into this too much today, um, I want to share something with you and our listeners that um really kind of struck me yesterday and it was um the catalyst for our conversation a little bit last night. Um, it's okay to not be okay, right? So this, this really touched me. I want to read this to everybody. It's a little long but it's worth it.

Speaker 3: 7:31

So she before you start, I just want the listeners to know that our original plan was to talk about savoring, yeah, and as a as an um practice of gratitude, and Terry and I said to each other like if we do that, it's not going to feel authentic, because we've both been in a really rough spot, and so we decided, like let's not go on the podcast with some rainbows and unicorns and sparkles uh podcast, but let's just talk about what we've been feeling, yeah thank you.

Speaker 2: 7:58

So there's a woman I follow on Instagram and I can link her in the show notes for today and one of the reasons I follow her and was attracted and drawn to her was because she takes all the menopause stuff and she just adds a little bit of sarcasm. And you were to it and I love that. And she needs from UK, I believe. So she some of her wording, you're gonna notice, is you know a little bit more there lingo than ours. But she posted this yesterday. It's a picture of Jillian Anderson and it says I was used to being able to balance a lot of things and all of a sudden I felt like I could handle nothing. I felt completely overwhelmed. When I talked to the menopause specialist, she said she often gets phone calls from female CEO screaming down the phone. I need help. Now I'm losing my mind and that's completely right. I feel like someone else has taken over my brain.

Speaker 2: 8:53

So then down in the caption, this very sarcastic, funny lady who's always making fun of herself. She gets real and this is what she says. She says I try and always see the lighter side of my menopause and make you lot smile, but the reality is there are millions of women out there who are literally at their breaking point. All I want to say to you this morning is you are not alone. I too suffer with debilitating anxiety, not wanting to face the world, and Somnia that makes me want to sit in a corner and cry on many a day, when all you see are smiles and laughter. It's often a massive mask, a mask I wear often to hide the imposter syndrome that I suffer from daily. You see, I'm just a normal girl living a normal life. Well, okay, not quite normal. Nothing is normal where I'm concerned, but I just happen to start writing about my experiences and feelings about this weird and wonderful face of our lives and for some unknown reason, it caught on. But behind the smiles, the crazy exterior, there's a frightened, sad and often lonely girl that's lost her way and sits in our corner crying or can't get out of bed Because everything hurts and I can't face the world. That is what our movie is going to be about the sense of loss that we feel at this stage of our lives, whether it be the loss of ourselves or our children moving on, or that feeling of everything being possible. The men in class takes so much from us. But if we stick together, if we talk about it and help each other with solutions and love, we will make it through this and we will find ourselves again, possibly even a better version.

Speaker 2: 10:31

So I say this to all of you who are struggling today I'm here. I'm having that bad day too. I haven't slept, I'm anxious and I don't know what to do with myself. I, too, am lost Social. My hand, let's walk through today and let's be lost together, because that is what us women do best. This, too, shall pass, as my darling mom would say. This, too, shall pass.

Speaker 2: 10:56

And if you're interested in following her on Instagram, her handle is menopausal mayhem mothers, but I will put that in the show notes for everyone to To check out for themselves. But I read that and I thought, wow, how brave. Like. It's easy for us to show up on social media and make everybody laugh and hide behind you know that mask that she talked about. It's not as easy to come on here on the podcast or to go on social media or call up our friend and say, yeah, it stays a shit day. But when we don't do that, we're doing exactly what my mom did, which is suffer in silence, and it's it's.

Speaker 2: 11:37

I feel like it's my purpose to Help women, not like to give them courage and and be brave, and I feel like the only way we can really do that, amanda, is that we're willing to come on here and do it ourselves. You know, it's like asking our children to do something that we're not willing to do. Right, isn't that what they say? When you're raising children is, you know, lead by example? And so today we're just laying it out. You know, like I showed up here with Amazon and no makeup and feeling, feeling low, feeling not good, and it's okay to not feel good, and I think that's probably where we need to like change our self-talk a little bit. It's not every day is gonna be rainbows and sunshine and we've got to just say you know what? Today's just shit. Maybe I can turn it around and maybe I'm just gonna feel like shit the entire day.

Speaker 3: 12:36

Terry, you know you had read that that before we started the podcast. Just a quarter sort of give me an idea of the content and I absolutely loved it and you read it again. In both times when you read it you got choked up at the part that said hold my hand. Can you talk about why that part chokes you up so much?

Speaker 2: 13:00

oh man, my mom was so lonely she she cut off all of her friends. I was probably like two or three months ago. I reached out to one of her friends on Facebook that I follow and I had some questions for her, some some things that she might have the answers to that. You know that as a child I didn't see. You know they were questions about my childhood and a lot of that Abuse that my mom suffered. I wondered if she had seen any of the abuse and when mom had talked about any of it. And she's like Terry, I I reached out to your mom so many times and she just, she just shut us off like she shut all of her friends off.

Speaker 2: 13:42

And oh yeah, if only, if only she hadn't done that, I wonder how her story would have ended differently, because her path of depression and Drinking to to numb and she had this mistaken belief that it would help her sleep, and we all know that alcohol does not help you sleep. You know she tried to commit suicide and when she didn't, when she wasn't successful, she um the the next part of her life was full of pain because she, when she fell in her, she had taken a bottle of tiny little PM with I don't know how much vodka, but I think quite a bit, and she was stumbling and fell in corrective order to bring in her spine, and so she spent the rest of her years in a lot of pain and I think, what if she would have had someone hold her hand, like, maybe, maybe that wouldn't have been the outcome for her. So it's super hard for me to have days like yesterday and I don't know how today is going to be at it. I mean, it's, it's still early, but you know like I don't want To not pursue what burned with a caperni feeling inside of me, like you know. Come on, ladies.

Speaker 2: 15:02

I know I was sitting on the couch this morning having coffee with my husband and he was like, why do you toss and turn so much at night? And I said, um, well, when I lay on my left side, my collarbone hurts still from the motorcycle accident. When I lay on my back, my shoulder blade hurts, and when I lay on my right side, my hip hurts. And he goes why, why do you have all this pain? And I said, well, when women's estrogen estrogen levels drop, we end up with a lot of pain, we end up with a lot of aches and pains and you know this is something that doesn't happen to men, so it might be a little hard for them to be empathetic. I'm not.

Speaker 2: 15:42

I'm not gonna speak for all men, but I I saw the look on my own husband's face, a man who knows me, loves me, and I think to him, like some of these symptoms just Maybe seem like drama or not being tough, it's nothing to do with either one of those things. Like all three of those things I just said are very real. There's the things that keep a lot of women tossing and turning in awake and then, when we are awake, the anxiousness kicks in, and then all the things that we would think about in the light of day seem 20 times worse when you're laying there in the middle of the night and you can't sleep right. So that's where I took them out, because I have somebody. I've more than one somebody, thankfully, but she didn't have anybody and that makes me super sad.

Speaker 3: 16:34

And the important thing that to to understand is that she isolated herself and your friends away, even when, even when they reached out, she kept pushing them away, and I relate to that so much, and so I think for me, like the message would be, even when they don't answer your text message or don't call you back, like don't give up on them, keep know, keep reaching out, keep reaching out, keep reaching out. There's a story of someone I know that reached out, like for a year, every Sunday and left a voicemail to someone that she loved that wasn't returning her call. And finally, after a year, the person returned her phone call and it was the same voicemail every Sunday, like the same message I miss you. I know you're having a hard time. When you're ready, I'm here every Sunday. It was a voicemail.

Speaker 2: 17:27

So what was it like when they finally started talking again? What was the? You know? What did the conversation start sound like, do you know?

Speaker 3: 17:35

Yeah, the conversation was I'm ready to get help. The person was an alcoholic and they had been using alcohol to them and they decided to get clean.

Speaker 2: 17:44

Yeah, you know the thing to a podcast. History was a doctor and I wish I could tell you all the stuff we're here with the name of the podcast is. But it's super interesting and he talks about you know depression. And he talks about how, most often times, that people cannot point to a single event to say this is why I feel depressed. And he did say that, you know, there, the research has changed. When they when in the conversation about depression and they now know that a lot of it, the serotonin that we need is, is made in the gut, and so if our guts are, you know, not where they should be, then we have time, hard time, purchasing the serotonin that we need. But I don't know. I'm curious to know your thoughts on this because I feel like, right now, my funk I know, I know what my funk is about and so I feel like that's a totally different kind of depressive episode, I would say, than a woman who just has no clue. She just doesn't feel great, she just so. So mine is, you know, my, my daughter's, getting divorced.

Speaker 2: 18:53

I went to visit him in Kansas City last week and it's super tough, no matter how old your kids are, to see them hurting and know you can't do anything.

Speaker 2: 19:02

You know you can be there for them, you can try to talk to them, offer them advice if they want it, offer resources if you have them.

Speaker 2: 19:09

But really some things in life you just have to go through and get through, right I mean, there's. There's no going around it then. So, you know, just going there and seeing my, my grandson kind of, you know, struggling through it, my daughter struggling through it and my other daughter struggling with infertility problems and my other other daughters struggling with, you know, kind of trying to figure out what this part of her like means for her, and so they all having their own struggles and you know I'm having some struggles with this whole house building thing and just, you know, it just feels heavy, and so I know what mine are. I can sit here and lift all of my my things I feel like are robbing me of my joy right now. But can you talk a little bit about, like, your latest funk and like, do you, do you have things that you can label and say this is why, this is why oh, absolutely minds, peri menopause and insomnia.

Speaker 3: 20:03

I mean when a person can't sleep. When a person can't sleep, their ability to tolerate, their their like baseline ability to tolerate normal things in life goes way down. And when you are describing tossing attorney, I mean that's my, that's my life every night, for I mean and it's been going on for a long time I mean it feels very debilitated. You know, it happened again last night. And then you take the gummies and then you know the, the THC gummies have been helping me a little bit, but they give me anxiety. And then I toss and turn, and toss and turn and then the same thing, like there's this like inflamed part of my back. That's been all week, and just you know. And then you wake up and you're just not ready for your day, like you used to be, and you know they'll getting older and and one time we talked about like God, it's so hard. I don't know how people on social media do this, this podcasting in the social media platform, and like trying to get your face ready and your hair ready.

Speaker 2: 21:04

And then, as women, you're always comparing yourself to other women and other influencers and as you age, you know it's all very overwhelming yeah, I, I've barely been on social media for a while now and when I do put something on there I try not to have it be of me, because I think for a while now and you know I haven't quite decided like there's part of me, that's like you know. I really don't want to have to put makeup on my face every day if I'm not going anywhere. That just me. That makes no sense to me whatsoever. But then when you think about sharing up on social media without your hair done and without you know, like if you're watching on YouTube, I mean I don't have great skin, so like to show up and and feel like everybody would be thinking, oh, doesn't she know look, and makeup would make that face look so much better you know when we're reality.

Speaker 3: 21:52

It's very. You have been very immersed in the makeup industry to to to the point where you have followed people and even help them promote their products. But the thing is is it's that I don't want to have to and talk to you about it and that was part of the thing that we decided on this season is that we're gonna be more natural. Like I don't have any makeup on today, you don't have any makeup on today, and it's hard to notice that they're looking the camera at your face when you're changing.

Speaker 2: 22:21

Yeah, yeah, but that's real, that's who we are, right. Or when someone takes a picture of you and you weren't aware so you didn't have time to like put your chin in that certain spot or, you know, swivel your hips a little bit, or whatever, and you see yourself and you're like, oh my God, I have my mom's neck already. I went to that, yeah.

Speaker 3: 22:42

I can't tell you how many times I'll reposition of photos so that my neck doesn't have that like indent when that we have as we age. And then women, and then that's why the beauty industry is so rich, because then we start putting fillers in our face and we start doing all this stuff because we're fighting aging, we're fighting looking in the mirror and we are in such a vain culture. It's very, very hard on women, especially the age in America.

Speaker 2: 23:08

Super hard on women. I think about like my husband could give two shits about what he looks like, you know, but it's not the same for women, right? I think it's a certain level of oh, that's an aging man, you know. Like then we don't get that.

Speaker 3: 23:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:28

It's a double standard for sure in so many ways.

Speaker 3: 23:30

But I do want to interrupt you. I do want to point out that as we were sitting here talking I don't think that it's, I think we would be remiss, not to mention that Matthew Perry passed away from health addiction. So as we're talking like, yes, women struggle, men struggle too. I wish men had their own podcast for aging and hormones and what they go through. But it also reminded me when you were talking about what you do to soothe yourself when you are in these valleys and you had said you know gratitude and taking walks and things like that. For me it's always been like binging a show and I know a lot of people have said that with Matthew Perry dying, and it's reminded them that, like friends got them through really, that the show friends got them through really tough times in their life. You know, and that's one of the ways that they escaped was just watching friends and those characters brought joy and love and escapism in the hardest times of their life and that's why it's so hard when a celebrity that you've watched so long passes away.

Speaker 2: 24:37

Yeah, and that's such a great point and I love that. I love that you brought that up, because isn't that what you and I like when we were talking and we have our talks like we're like soul sisters. You know every woman needs at least one of them yeah, not multiple ones of them and you know we've talked about expanding our girls trip to include more women and I think that is at the heart of both of us to want people to feel included and to want them to experience, you know, the best, the best that life has to offer. And it's so hard to be in this spot and feel like you always want to come on here and bring a positive message and to know that today's message isn't exactly positive.

Speaker 3: 25:27

It's a little hard for me, but I think today's message this is what we both wanted people to know for today is that you're not alone. And when you don't want to put makeup on and be upbeat and positive and there's a place for that too. On social media, there's a place for that too. For influencers, there's a place for that too, and those are the people whose voices I want to hear more of. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:55

Because you know what, when I so you know, I've said this to you so many times you know I don't cry easy, like I don't have access to my emotions as easy as some people do. And I have this friend. She has such easy access to her emotions, like literally one minute she can be telling me some funny story and then two sentences later she's shedding tears because of something else. And I always tell her I wish I had such easy access to my emotions like you do. That is so, it's just so wonderful. But I tell you what, when I go on social media and I see my friend, whose husband cheated on her and left her after 25 years of marriage, and she's on there and she's sharing it and she's being really real, I don't shy away from that and think, oh my gosh, she's sharing too much on social media. Like my heart goes out to her. I'm sending her private messages on the side, you know, asking her if there's anything I can do. Does she want to talk? I'm trying to encourage her, you know. So I think I'm sending her private messages on the side, you know. I'm sending her private messages on the side, you know. I think, yes, like there is definitely a place for it. And you know we have that private community that's just for women. It's called Conversations for Midlife Women. That would be a great place to share. Like, if you're listening to today's episode and you're like, yeah, I would love to be able to just go somewhere and say I'm having a shit day today, that would be the place to do it. There's no men in that group. We can be real with each other. We can talk about it. I think I posted a video in there one day of, like you know I was talking about the products that women need to like shape, tone in their private areas. Like that's the place we go share that stuff, right.

Speaker 2: 27:36

But you know, lately, when I am forcing myself to stay on the treadmill, like it's that rur, it's that minimum required effort, I tell myself 15 minutes, minimum. Like if you want to go more, that's great, but you got to be on here for 15 minutes. And the way I've been kind of getting through it is by watching YouTube shorts. Okay, and there are so many inspiring people out there in the world who are doing really amazing things. And you know, like I've just seen those videos where it might be a guy and he's like, hey, do you have any food? And then he ends up giving the person like money or whatever homeless person. It's always those people that have nothing left to give that seem to want to give the most. Yeah, you know, and that makes me want to cry, that makes me in the middle of a plan of fitness, on the treadmill doing this with my eyes. I'm like those people, the people who have nothing left to give and they're still willing to give more. All of those people inspire me so much.

Speaker 3: 28:36

And I think, like, as you were mentioning that, what came up for me is, you know, sometimes we listen to pop talks, all the time we listen to pop podcasts, self-development people, and sometimes when I'm in my funk in my valley, I'm like blah, blah, blah, I don't want to read another self-help thing, I don't want to listen to another positive podcast, and that's okay too, right?

Speaker 3: 28:59

So, like, I think it's really important for people to know that it's okay to like be in that valley and feel those feelings, but don't stay there. And I did, yeah, and I did want to address what you said about people that don't know why they're depressed. Especially for those people, it's so important that you reach out and get a counselor, because a great counselor will ask the right questions and you will uncover why you are depressed. There's always, always something to be said about your mood and your feelings, and Tony Robin says that you know, great leaders ask great questions, great counselors ask great questions and when you finally get the question that uncovers the pain, their eyes will shift and they will release and there will begin unstuffing, and that is so healthy for their body.

Speaker 2: 29:55

And that's kind of bad. I remember you said something to me I don't know if it was on a podcast, I bestow it, or if it was just a private conversation but you said something about married couples shouldn't wait until they have problems to seek help. And it's kind of like car maintenance yeah, you don't wait until your car's out of oil or out of gas before you put those things in there. Yeah, I love that, even if you are feeling like super depressed. But, excuse me, it's morning. If you are feeling super depressed but you feel like you don't know how to talk to somebody, I feel like that's another really good indication that you probably need to seek some professional help. It's like don't wait until you're totally out of gas. Yeah, don't wait until you're at rock bottom. You know, find someone to talk to a mental health professional. Yeah, I'm just gonna leave it at that, because I don't feel qualified to tell someone when they should see a professional or when they should see a coach or when they should just talk to a friend.

Speaker 3: 30:58

Yeah, yeah, and I would also say that you don't even have to leave your house anymore. Telehealth is becoming very, very popular, so I have many clients that we just connect on the computer, and sometimes that's what you said you're Mer right, minimum required effort.

Speaker 1: 31:13

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 31:15

You know I have clients where we've had sessions where they're in their bed. You know, and so just know that there's several of them out there. But you can find online telehealth too.

Speaker 2: 31:26

You know. So yesterday I came home from the gym and this almost never happens, so it's like almost like newsworthy. I came home from the gym and usually that's what makes me feel good, like I will feel really good after coming home from the gym. Came home yesterday and it was really cold at the gym yesterday. It was cold in the morning here and I walked into my house and my house still felt cold and I thought, you know what? I'm gonna go soak in a bath with some excellent salt and essential oils.

Speaker 2: 31:55

So I'm in the bath and it was heaven, like it was pure heaven and I started feeling really sleepy and I thought, oh my gosh, girl, it's 10 o'clock in the morning, like when is that time for a nap? But then I thought, what the hell, why not? Right, just go lay down. I went in the guest bedroom, which is right next to the bathroom, where the bathtub is. I lay down in the bed. I did wake up for an hour and I was like I never do that. But you know what I'm today? I'm gonna listen to my body and I'm gonna treat myself to something self-wai if it's 10 o'clock in the morning. It made me feel good and it helped me relax it up to take a nap in the middle of the morning.

Speaker 3: 32:31

I think what I love about that story is how the stories that people tell themselves because for you that was a big deal and for me I'm like, yeah, of course, take a nap, like Well I'm like, oh, you took a nap, like I take naps all the time, but like that's the story, that's your routine, that's your habit, like that's your discipline, that you have in your life, and I'm glad you gave yourself that permission, yeah, but like you said earlier, you yes, I think you know there is a point where we need to like, give in and listen and not be so staunch like, well, I never do this at this time of day.

Speaker 3: 33:08

I still like it to a time, and it happening day after day after day after day Is that we all guitar and bass in background when my husband will come home, and I don't know if you guys remember that, like when you were kids, but when my parents would come home, we're supposed to be cleaning, so we would be sleeping. We would like jump up and like fix our hair real quick and like actually, it's so funny.

Speaker 2: 33:32

I bet the whole time he knew what you were doing.

Speaker 3: 33:34

Okay, you know you've got like pillow mark on your face. Yes but go. You're exactly right. Like you know, I think I give myself too much permission sometimes where it's like, okay, come on, and then you don't give yourself enough permission to do that, like. I think that that's a beautiful contrast of what we're trying to say.

Speaker 2: 33:51

Yeah, it's gotta be some middle. There's gotta be some middle ground there, you know yeah.

Speaker 3: 33:55

So, as we end this podcast today, we just want our listeners to know that you're not alone and there's a space that we've created for you. And if you have I love, terry, that you've said it three times today If you're just having a shit day, reach out and we'll listen to your shit day. Yeah, and maybe we should just start posting more there, not just about how great everything is, but when we're having those tough days.

Speaker 2: 34:20

Yeah, absolutely. I love that. I love that you're ending it with that I. Community is so important and we've said it a couple of times throughout this episode of not being alone and not feeling like you have to Go do it alone. So, even if you feel like, oh, there's just a bunch of strangers, I'm not gonna go into this random Facebook group and tell my you know, my life's close to this random stranger. No, we're women. We have to stick together. We're not high school middle-aged girls. We're women going through the same stuff. So let's go through it together. Let's lift each other up when we need it. Let's just hug virtual hug when we need it. Let's not, let's not self-isolate. Let's have someone's hand to hold as we Journey through this part of life.

Speaker 2: 35:03

That is not all shit. It's not all shit days. There's a lot of good moments as well and, yeah, thanks for taking time out of your. I know you have a busy day and I know you're. You're also past and you're going to his funeral and please give aunt Jeanette a big hug from me and tell her I'm sorry for her loss and I'm I'm determined to not have a shit day today, so I hope you well, I mean should say I can tell already that your mood has shifted through this conversation.

Speaker 3: 35:31

You look lighter. I can see it in your bodies, in your eyes, and it was just a testament on camera of how community and conversation Can bring you out of the funk and and so don't self-isolate. Yeah, have a great day everybody.

Speaker 2: 35:49

Yes, I mean, I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I sometimes will learn something really cool on a podcast, on a YouTube video, audio book, whatever. I think I'm gonna remember it and then I forget. Does that ever happen to you?

Speaker 3: 36:04

Yeah, I call it brain. After 40 all the time, what?

Speaker 2: 36:08

that's what we'll officially call it. Well, we come up with something. Do you want to introduce it?

Speaker 3: 36:12

Sure, it's by. It's from an app called quick Jim quick, and it's an acronym called fast.

Speaker 2: 36:19

Yeah, in the F it stands for Facebook. So we're inviting you officially right now to come over and join us on Facebook. Get involved with the community, share your favorite episodes with your friends on Facebook.

Speaker 3: 36:29

Yeah, the a is go ahead and take an action, so you can't remember anything if you don't act.

Speaker 2: 36:34

and S is for subscribe. Make sure you're subscribed to our YouTube channel.

Speaker 3: 36:40

And then T is teach. Teach what you've learned to somebody else, share the love All right, we hope that works for you.

Speaker 2: 36:46

Thank you for joining us. We'll see you next week. Bye, bye.