Navigating Grief and Transforming Tragedy: A Mother's Journey to Youth Suicide Prevention through Marshmallows Hope

Losing a child to suicide is a pain no parent should ever have to endure. Join us for this poignant and powerful conversation with Laura Kain, founder of Marshmallows Hope, as she bravely shares her story of losing her 14-year-old son and navigating the fog of grief that followed. We discuss the warning signs she wishes she had noticed, the impact of trauma and mental health awareness, and her journey to transforming her tragedy into a mission to help others.

As Laura reflects on her experience, we explore her family's healing process and the transition from a family of four to three. Together, we dive deeper into the critical work being done by Marshmallows Hope, focusing on youth suicide prevention and providing outlets for kids to reach out for help. Laura also shares her Mental Health Mentor Program, her military base work, and her connection to PTSD through her mother's experience with an undiagnosed Vietnam veteran.

This heart-wrenching yet inspiring episode shows how Laura transformed her unimaginable pain into purpose through Marshmallows Hope. We discuss the importance of having someone to talk to during difficult times and her organization's amazing impact on countless lives. As we wrap up, remember that hope and support are always available for those who need it. Reach out, connect, and don't suffer in silence.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Hello and welcome to What Women Want Today, podcast season three, the Soul Sister series, where we will tackle top topics straight from our heart to yours. I'm Teri Kellams, your host and coach for women who struggle to find meaning in fulfillment in midlife.

Speaker 2: 0:17

I am Amanda Kieber. I am your new regular contributor. I come straight from the Midwest Rockford Illinois. I'm a public speaking teacher and leadership development professor. I'm also a coach and clinical mental health counselor. I am so thrilled to be here, and let's get started.

Speaker 1: 0:33

Let's do it. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the What Women Want Today podcast. I'm your host, teri Kellams.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Hi there. I'm your co-host, amanda Kieber, and today we are here with a very special guest, laura Kain. Laura is very special to me specifically because some of the listeners already know this, but when my parents were passing away of cancer, i started a scholarship called the March of Hope Scholarship. I actually my mom was in her last two months of life and I showed my mom all of the different people who had applied for the Rock Valley College March of Hope Scholarship and I let my mom choose the first recipient of the scholarship. Laura, my mom I've shared this story with you, but my mom chose your mission and your purpose because it was really close to her heart. Mental health is really close to her heart and PTSD and trauma is really close to her heart. So once again, i just want to say, on a very personal level, i'm just honored and I find it very sacred that we connected that way.

Speaker 3: 1:42

Oh, and I'm super appreciative of that. It's humbling and honoring and I just have no words. I hate that you have to miss your mom, but how beautiful that we're able to share that, and I love what you just said right there.

Speaker 2: 1:58

I hate that you have to miss your mom, but we can share that, and that's exactly what you're doing with trauma in your life. So, laura Kain, you started an organization called Marshmallows Hope and I think I said it right Marshmallow, it's Marshmallows. Oh, it is Marshmallows, okay. So your son didn't pronounce it differently It's Marshmallows. Okay, got it. And, laura, you started this because of a horrific trauma losing your son, your 14-year-old son to suicide And as part of our grief series, we needed somebody with the courage that you have and the message that you have to come on and educate us, and so this podcast is really going to be mostly your voice. So, if you would, please can you take us through wherever you want? to begin with, how you ended up to where you are now running this organization?

Speaker 3: 2:58

Yeah, so in 2018, as you mentioned, my 14-year-old son ended his own life by suicide, and it was actually it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

Speaker 3: 3:10

I was a single mom for over a decade. I'm a mom of three, and I had just achieved the American dream of buying this beautiful five-acre home, and I had gotten the phone call that you know we were approved for, i was approved for this house, and so when I went to the home I'm super excited about you know, hey, my kids are going to be able to have, like their horse in their backyard. While I was at that home, moving forward with purchasing the home or signing the contract or whatnot, my son, zachary, was where we were currently living, ending his own life, and so, literally, i was with him, and 40 minutes later, he was gone, and so it came to me, as you know, a shock. Zachary was somebody who was on the outside looking in, right, somebody who was super happy. He was just a light, really Like. He was a beautiful, beautiful soul, and so, yeah, i never out of all the people on the planet, right, he would have been the last one that I would have ever thought would end his life.

Speaker 2: 4:22

And so, as you, the days and the weeks that followed you, i'm guessing it took to even get out of bed, like, to even to be able to function. What were those first like months and year like for you? Like, did you find this mission in your heart right away, or was it a grieving process?

Speaker 3: 4:48

No, absolutely not. To be totally honest, I didn't know how I was going to continue living my life because, you know, as a single parent, I always viewed myself as like a party of four. You know, when I had my oldest daughter, I became two, then Zach, I became three, and then my youngest, I became four. And so that was my, that was my personality. I was just four, four people in one right. And I, when he died, honestly I wanted to die, I didn't want to keep living and I didn't know how I was going to keep living.

Speaker 3: 5:22

And the first month it was, it was there was just this fog, And the fog didn't begin to fade until probably around month one. I mean, I have no concept of time, so I can also tell you that through that beginning stages of the grieving process, like time stopped ticking for me And literally minutes seemed like hours. I would look at the clock and I would feel like four hours had gone by, but it was literally only four minutes, you know. So it like time just stood still And the heaviness in my chest, the heaviness in my shoulders that I was carrying it says if I was carrying my dead child's body and the weight of it, you know, And once the fog began to fade, then that's when time started getting really dark for me And I can say that honestly like from months two to 13,. It was just like the complete darkness in my life, honestly, And I would have never, ever envisioned being where I am today, back then, Yeah, i can only imagine.

Speaker 1: 6:29

So when you're processing that initial shock that your child is gone, like can you just kind of try to remember or share with us What was like? did you want to blame somebody? Were you looking for like a reason? Like tell us about that, because I can't for life make. I cannot imagine how that would feel And you know I'm so sorry that you experienced that loss.

Speaker 3: 6:54

Yeah, thank you. Well, so you you know, as a suicide survivor. so losing a child, no matter how you lose a child, i know it's difficult for people, right, But losing one to suicide, it just leads you behind with number one. so many unanswered questions, and you go through your mind like the what is the? you know, what could I have done differently? Right, where could I go wrong as a parent? And you start to like blame yourself and you're left behind with all this guilt. And so you know it's. it's a nightmare to try to get those answers. I never really, i can't really say that I pointed blame, but I did try to like figure out what happened, right, and I at one point became obsessed with his social media. I mean, i was that mom that always looked through like his phone and looked through his social media, but it was like there was this obsession with like looking through every single message.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Kind of hiding the hidden, hidden meaning in everything that you were seeing and reading.

Speaker 3: 8:02

Yeah, and what I did find that was that he had been posting little messages on social media, like from April of 2018 until September, when he ended his life, he would he had been posting clues and and reaching out for help on social media, like he would say things like somebody talked to me before I take my life, somebody talked to me before I kill myself. I don't want to be depressed anymore. I don't like this pain. And so when I saw that there was an angry feeling and I know that anger can also be part of like the grieving process, right For sure, but anger came over me of like, why didn't a single person like tell me? why didn't they reach out to me? You know?

Speaker 3: 8:50

And now, in this journey where I help families that are going through similar instances, i have found that, unfortunately, our kids, our society, they're very, very desensitized to things like this. Oftentimes, they just scroll by these messages And so, like, if you hear nothing else, i have to say today, if you see a message on social media, it's not a cry out for attention, it's a cry out for help.

Speaker 1: 9:14

Yeah. Right Yeah it's So at the beginning you said that you know you saw him as this very happy person. Once you started processing some of that, do you think you were able to go back and see in hindsight any of those warnings signs yourself, or was just he was just doing such a great job at hiding it from you?

Speaker 3: 9:34

Well, he was definitely doing a great job hiding it. But when I did go back, you know, i returned to school. So, like, this led me to go back to school to educate myself about mental health And in trying to gain answers for my own journey, i discovered that, like, literally, i could check off every red flag sign. You know, he had been withdrawing from, like the activities that he loved to do. Like he loved to play the piano and that piano never stopped. Well, a couple of weeks before he ended his life, music had stopped, you know. So he was already withdrawing. He was giving away his belongings. He gave away a bunch of, like his hoodies So that's another red flag sign. And he was acting reckless.

Speaker 3: 10:19

Like Zachary was literally the happiest kid. He was always a good kid, but one day he took one of our cars and took my seven year old and drove to McDonald's, which is really really reckless, right, like he was 14, he didn't have a driver's license. It was dangerous, but that's another warning sign. And so, yeah, once I began to educate myself, i could see all of the warning signs that I missed And that parents often, you know, confused with normal teenage angst, like we think, oh, he's just being a teenager, like that's what I thought. You know, he's just going through something and he's being a teenager and he's going through hormonal changes. But really there was so much more And also I think that trauma played a part of it. You know, we were victims of domestic violence when the kids were younger And when I left I thought, okay, like they're safe, now They're gonna be okay. But really the trauma, the damage was already done, you know.

Speaker 1: 11:25

Did you guys talk about it? Did you talk about the trauma as a family?

Speaker 3: 11:29

We did talk. We talked about everything as a family. We talked about drug, sex, alcohol, trauma, anything and everything, but we never talked about suicide. However, the day before he died, i think that like something in me was clued into it, but I wasn't able to recognize it then, because we actually even attended a suicide prevention walk the day before he ended his life And I remember holding him as we were walking down this path and there was this mom that was just sobbing in front of us And I said, Zach, if something ever happened to you, do you see that mom? Like I just knew that that mom was hurting And I was like that would be me, i would be destroyed. And he hugged me back and he was like I would never do that. And literally less than eight before the day before, yeah, like, oh, then less than 24 hours is when he ended his life. So Zach was the oldest.

Speaker 1: 12:28

He was the middle, middle and child. Okay, so then you had was it a son or daughter older? Or tell us about the other kids.

Speaker 3: 12:35

Yeah, so I have an older daughter named Kate. She was 16 at the time when her brother died, And then Zach was 14. And then my youngest Lincoln, it was seven.

Speaker 1: 12:47

So what was their response to it?

Speaker 3: 12:50

Well, they were the ones that found him, oh my God. So it was trauma on top of trauma, and they I mean my daughter blamed herself. They had gotten in an argument right before he ended his life, and so she blamed herself for a long time, and they're both still in counseling. Like the trauma that, as a family, we have endured through this has been, there's no words. It's just something I would never wish on anybody else.

Speaker 1: 13:24

My mom tried to commit suicide. she attempted suicide And I'm just, as you're, telling these reactions from your children. I'm remembering how my brother and my sisters and I responded so differently to it. But you feel like you do feel like what could I have done differently? What was she trying to tell us by this attempt? And you know, i mean, we were fortunate enough that we got to talk to her afterwards. But my brother, he had a really tough time with it. He really took it really personally And it took him a long time to forgive her. He was very angry with her. So I know that. I know it can have very different effects on the children And I'm glad to hear that they're in counseling. Good for you, mom.

Speaker 3: 14:12

Yeah, absolutely Well. And the thing is like with the grieving process. One thing I've learned very quickly is we all grieved completely different. Like my daughter never talked about him, never talked about. You know, it took a year before she actually sat down with me and walked me through that day. She just completely like slammed down, whereas me I had to talk about him, i had to continue to talk about him and remember him. And there's still to this day, there's like this thing in my mind that I feel like someday I'm gonna be old and I'm not gonna remember him. And that's like my worst fear, you know.

Speaker 3: 14:52

And Lincoln, unfortunately at the time, like he was too young to understand what he saw, he was too young to process. But now that he's 11, he's beginning to really understand and he's struggling, you know he's struggling with it And he's definitely angry. I don't think he quite understands yet, but like it's just watching that, you know. It's like he was in that fog for all of these years, like, oh, my brother is dead. But he didn't really quite understand what happened that day until now.

Speaker 1: 15:27

And, amanda, what I'm thinking is something that's come up in other episodes that we've done on grief is it kind of takes away your identity, right? And so now this family unit has to figure out how they are as a family. Like you said, we were four, we were four And you know, and are you struggling, do you think, to figure out who you are as a unit of three, or has it gotten easier as time has gone on?

Speaker 3: 15:53

No, it's still a struggle. It's still a struggle for me. I mean, it's become manageable and I've learned to walk with it right. The pain's never gonna go away, and I think that that was so. I feel like I'm a fixer. You know, we went through domestic violence. I removed us from that situation. I fixed it right Right. Every like bad situation in my life I've always been able to fix Well, this is something that I absolutely cannot fix Like it's permanent and I can't bring him back. So I just, yeah, it's a struggle every day to even comprehend that it's permanent and that he's really gone, you know.

Speaker 2: 16:34

Laura, whenever I think about people who have been through such horrific trauma, it always reminds me of even how uncomfortable I am in knowing what to say When this happens like what can you tell us and our listeners about what you loathe hearing and what would actually help?

Speaker 1: 16:55

That's a great question.

Speaker 3: 16:56

So, yeah, i loathe hearing, you know, two months after he died, i remember somebody telling me it's been two months, don't you think it's time for you to like move on? And it was like it angered me and I was furious because I was like this is my child, like it's only been two months. you know, i couldn't even understand that. So I think that people mean, well, right, they're trying to give you that advice, or like when they would say things like well, you have two other children to live for. you know, you as a parent, you never get over it. Like you're never, ever going to get over this type of pain. You have to just learn how to walk with it. And it definitely changes your identity.

Speaker 3: 17:44

Like I said, i was a party of four, right, but I was also there's parts of me that I feel like died with. I used to be very, very bubbly, very happy and joked around a lot, and I miss that part of me. but that part of me isn't there anymore. You know, like some days it's hard to smile, some days it's hard to just get out of bed, and it's debilitating and then getting to know the new you. you know it's just a really hard process to be able to, like it's doable, obviously right, i'm here, but I it's a struggle. Even to this day it's a struggle.

Speaker 2: 18:28

Yeah, So you talked about the first month being a fog and then months and months and months of debilitating, just depression. When did you or maybe you wouldn't describe it this way, but when did you see like a crack of light, Like like there is a way forward?

Speaker 3: 18:51

So during COVID, actually, I so well let me back up. So a couple of months after my son died, I ended up losing my job, and on top of it, right So, now I have this new house, no job. I'm grieving. So it got dark, really, really dark. But then, as I moved forward, we got to COVID.

Speaker 3: 19:16

I was working at a different job at that time And I remember hearing about more youth suicide. And so I took my son Snapchat, which I was again. I was obsessed with his social media and trying to find answers, right. But then now I had this like horrible feeling in me of like, oh God, I don't want any other family to have to go through this, What can I do? And so I started posting motivational messages on my son's social media, just encouraging kids to please never give up, to please keep living, And I think I actually started that like a few months. I can't again, I have no concept of time, but it had to be within a couple of months or I don't know, maybe it had been a year, I can't tell you how long, But anyway, I started posting these messages And what I never imagined, right, I'm laying in my bed and I'm posting to encourage them to keep going.

Speaker 3: 20:10

And these kids started sliding up on the stories, on the Snapchat stories, like thank you so much, I really needed to hear this. And then they would begin to talk to me about their own thoughts of suicide and their own depression, And some of them were being abused and like all these things, And it just it was like, even though I was hurting, I was then encouraging these kids and talking to these kids And in some way, I feel like that brought me healing And I started to see the light, because I started to gain understanding of how my son was feeling through the way these other kids were feeling. Yeah, That was the beginning of it. And then I started taking it like a step further. You know, and I wouldn't be the crazy lady that would call a mom hey, you don't know me, but your kid is really struggling, you know. And then it was. I would only that received.

Speaker 3: 21:07

I was that received you know, honestly it was. I mean, i would tell them who I was and why I was calling and how I connected to their kids. And obviously some of them were shocked, but most of them were, like, so grateful that I like reached out to them and shed light on what their kid was going, you know. And then it was like, do you have any resources? Do you know, like, what I should do? Do you know where I should take my kid? And I started to like research and find, you know, counseling services and picking up kids, taking them out one on one, going bowling, going out to dinner, going, you know, doing just one on one activities with them. And when I saw that that was really working out for those kids and creating positivity that's actually how Marshmallow's folk was born I was like you know what we need to bring the community together and do this?

Speaker 3: 22:00

And I started the organization, which is a nonprofit. We focus on youth suicide prevention And our main program of the organization is a mentorship program. You know, where we just find adults who are willing to spend an hour a week with kids who are struggling Because, believe it or not, like mentorship, i mean it's extremely positive to have somebody right And to like. Kids don't talk to their parents because they already feel like they're a burden to their, to their loved ones, when they are struggling with depression or with these thoughts. They don't want to burden and they don't want to transfer that pain to the people that they love, so they won't open up to their parents, but they will open up to appear, and so that's what was really powerful about this is we were giving these kids like an outlet to have somebody to talk to if they were in that darkness.

Speaker 2: 22:55

So that's amazing. How were your other kids responding when they would see you reaching out to all of these strangers at the time?

Speaker 3: 23:04

Well, my little guy would love it. He would come with me a lot of with these kids and just hang out with them. And it started with Zach's friends. Okay, oh, because like they were all like on his Snapchat And so some of the kids it was it was familiar to him like they would come over to the house, they would spend the night when Zach was alive, and so I think it brought him comfort that we were like still hanging out with Zach's friends and still seeing his friends and things like that. My daughter, unfortunately, in the other end of it, she wanted nothing to do with it. You know nothing at all.

Speaker 2: 23:43

So you start this like basically it's a grassroots mission because it wasn't even intentional at first, right, but now you're very intentional. So can you tell us about, like, how it's grown and what the services are? I was looking through your website and even the last time since I looked at it it's grown so much. I mean, you even have veterans on there now and all kinds of community partnerships, so it's just like you're a force of nature.

Speaker 3: 24:12

Well, i attribute it all to God, really. But so during COVID still, i know that COVID was a miserable time for a lot of people, but I feel like that's where my journey started, right, my healing process, my true healing process. And so I would wake up in the middle of the night and I wrote I like, write a book, write a book. And I was like, how the heck do I write a book? And so one day I was like, okay, i'm gonna do it. And so I just started writing and I became a published author.

Speaker 3: 24:44

Well, my sister's, thank you, my sister's brother-in-law is in the Air Force in California And he reached out to me and said hey, I know you wrote this book. We just had a comrade who ended his life here on base by suicide. When I started talking to him, he shared with me they had like 19 deaths by suicide on base during COVID. And so again, i felt very compelled. I had never been to the West Coast, had never been to California, but I was like you know what, like I need to talk to your higher ups and see if we can bring this program. And then, in school, so like, while I was doing all of this, i was in school and I was learning about protective factors, and one of my really great colleagues now which you guys I don't know if you've heard of him or not heard of him, but Kevin Polke he is a licensed clinical social worker here in the community, and so he had been teaching me about protective factors. And so what a protective factor is is something that keeps somebody who is in that darkness from ending their life. So, to give you an example for a small kid you know, it could be a cat, it could be a dog, like I want to die, but if I take my life, who's going to take care of my pet, right? Yep, and so that's what we call a protective factor that keeps them from ending their life.

Speaker 3: 26:01

And so, with the mentorship program, when I found out that this had happened on a military base, on an Air Force base, i thought about protective factors. How do we give these guys a protective factor? Because the truth of it is that, due to the stigma that surrounds mental illness, these at-risk adults so service members, veterans, first responders they're not going to reach out for help because they don't hinder their career or their position. So we needed to build something to give them that protective factor. And we thought, you know what, what, if we have these guys mentoring the kids and then the kid becomes that protective factor? Because if an adult knowingly, you know, is mentoring a child who is struggling, if they are in that darkness, they're not going to want to end their life because they don't want the child to follow suit, right?

Speaker 3: 26:57

And so the hero mentor program became so much more and that's how we got into who were the at-risk adult population, and so veterans, first responder service members, and again continuing the journey on top of the mentorship program, i thought, okay, well, how do we help them get the clinical help, the coping skills that they need so that they can grow up to become productive members of society and learn to cope with this? Because unfortunately, like depression and anxiety can be a lifelong journey. But if we give them the skills and the coping mechanisms then they can, you know, they become resilient. And so we offer free counseling services. One of the other things, like I know, is that, again, with that burdening feeling, it's don't want to tell their parents, they don't want to burden them financially, like, oh, i don't want my mom to have to pay for counseling, you know. And so we wanted to eliminate those barriers for families and by providing just pro bono services, and so we combined the mentorship program with counseling services to be able to give these kids and equip them to become productive adults.

Speaker 1: 28:19

Have you ever thought about public speaking?

Speaker 3: 28:22

No, I do it, but no. So the other thing that I have done is I share my story at schools and I combine it with the at risk warning signs so that kids can you know if they're struggling, they know okay, when do I know to ask for help, right? Or if I have a friend who's struggling, when do I know that, how do I help them? And so we combine the story with the resources that we offer so that they're equipped and they know like, hey, we can call here and get the help that we need, But, more importantly, they can see the warning sign. So it's all about education. So I guess, technically I do public speaking. You know, accident, I don't know Okay.

Speaker 2: 29:12

Well, i did not know. the hero mentor program and again, a very sacred personal level, like my mom, ended up choosing you. She lived with a Vietnam veteran who was undiagnosed his whole life and we all suffered because of it. And you are now reaching out and working with veterans to help the young, the youth.

Speaker 3: 29:35

Yeah, and one amazing thing, and that's isn't that crazy how like racism works and it's ways like that. That's amazing. It just I love it. It gives me so much joy to hear these types of things. I feel like it's not me, i'm just the best. He opens the door and I walk through it.

Speaker 1: 29:56

I don't know if you've ever thought about it this way, Laura, but you really taken your pain and turned it into your purpose. Yeah, And those some people go their whole life struggling to figure out what their purpose is, And I don't think that a purpose has to last for your entire lifetime, but you've really taken. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I really do. If I could reach this computer, I would. You are such an inspiration. I just I wish I could just like standing ovation, just doing such an amazing, an amazing thing. Really, I've got goosebumps over my entire body. It's I'm I wanna say I'm proud of you, but I don't know if that's the appropriate thing to say. I'm just, I'm just so, I'm just so grateful, I think, to you that you're doing this, because this sounds so unique to me. Have you done any research to see if there are any other organizations that are similar to yours at all across the United States?

Speaker 3: 30:53

So no, there, i mean there aren't any that combined the military model with the, with the youth. We are literally the first to do that And to team up with Air Force, with Edwards Air Force base in California, to do it like nobody's doing, but locally, we were the only ones that were offering like that, one-on-one mentorship. And now what's great is, like, you know, we're only two years old, but we're uplifting the community. So we're starting to see more mentorship programs pop up in our local community. We're starting to see, you know, more of this happening, which is great. Like we set the pace and now the community is being uplifted and I couldn't be more grateful for that.

Speaker 2: 31:38

Yeah, i, you know, i watch you closely because of the connection and I saw that I wanted to go. I couldn't, but I saw that your Lombardi fundraiser was just a smashing success. You couldn't smell in it. You couldn't sell any more tickets, right? No, we were sold out at capacity.

Speaker 3: 31:56

Yeah, and that's our annual gala, so it's actually October 14th this year, also at Lombardi Club, so we're hoping to have the same turnout Awesome. And one thing I wanted to share about veterans. So you know, i shared Lincoln was struggling and he kind of has, like now that he's he has this anger in him about marshmallows. Ugh, it's shifted now right, like and I don't know, i've always tried to be conscious of the fact that, like they are still here, but sometimes I do feel, like you know, i talk about sex so much that how could they not feel, like you know? so it's another like guilty feeling as a mom that like, am I not doing enough for them? And so, anyways, in December we I decided I needed to take a trip with Lincoln and Lincoln only one-on-one, and it was an amazing trip.

Speaker 3: 32:59

We went to a. Well, we went to California, we went to San Diego, we did a bunch of, like, really cool stuff. But then we went to Mexico to build a home for a homeless family in Mexico. So it was a. Why can't I think of what it's called? Oh, my gosh, a mission trip, yes, a mission trip, yeah. So we went on this mission trip And in Mexico, you know, they don't have like the same guidelines that they do here. And so here was my 11 year old son on top of a roof, like putting shingles down, and when I, you know, before we went, i prayed that like God would touch him in some way, and the whole trip was literally focused around Lincoln. Well, what I didn't know is that God would do something in me. That was wild and crazy, but anyhow. So we built this house, and then I just felt so empowered by the experience of giving to a family that I thought you know, it's amazing that we went to Mexico, but why can't we do that here, locally?

Speaker 3: 34:03

And so I started to team up the idea of taking the marshmallows for kids and rehabbing a home to give to a veteran in need, because veterans are very high risk for suicide. And so I kept telling myself, like, even if just one right, if we can take one veteran that may be homeless or that may not be able to afford a home otherwise and we can change their life, maybe we can prevent a suicide from happening. And so never in a billion years did I think it would happen. I approached Winnebago County and through their trustee program, they were able to gift a home to Marshall's hope for a dollar, and so now we are.

Speaker 3: 34:49

Our project for the year with the Marshmallows Hope kids is to rehab this home, and we're using the home as a metaphor. So a lot of the kids that come to the program, obviously they feel broken, the home is broken, and then you know we're rebuilding the home, we're rebuilding them, and with a purposeful meaning. You know there's purpose for your life and you will find that purpose eventually right, and so that purpose for the home is to give to that veteran a need, and so we plan on doing that by this Veterans Day and we'll be presenting the winner at our gala. So applications for veterans are still open. But something again that I never, ever imagined would have happened.

Speaker 1: 35:30

You just reminded me of something a pastor sent a church priest to attend years ago. He was talking about depression and he was saying that if he reflected back on the times when he felt the most depressed, it was when he had turned all his thoughts inward on himself. And when she would go away from that and do the opposite and start focusing on other people or other needs you know that were in the community or in the church or whatever, then he would feel his depression lift. And so when you were saying that, i was thinking well, if they can take the focus off their inner self, their thoughts, those constant thoughts that are probably in their head all the time, and put that focus on that home, that's amazing. I love that idea real.

Speaker 3: 36:10

Yeah, well, and that's the whole thing that. Yeah, when I was in that, i was in that deep depression and I was my son was gone, but when I started really helping others, there is something to be said that there is healing through service, there's healing through helping others. It's a real thing, it really is, and it brings you a lot of hope and a lot of healing. I don't know it just it uplifts you.

Speaker 2: 36:36

So Yeah, just make you feel a little bit alive again.

Speaker 3: 36:42

It does. For a while, i felt like I was a zombie just walking around, though, you know. But I've also had to learn to like live one day at a time, right, you know, because I mean, after my son Passed away, i now, i now live with depression, with anxiety and with post traumatic stress disorder. I've had to learn what triggers me. Yes, yes, so it's. It's definitely not an easy path, Yeah, but, but being able to do this for other people and knowing that, you know it, i Don't, i will never say that I'm okay with my son dying, right, that's not the message here, but He, i feel like through every person that we help There's, he's living through them. Now, you like now a part of them. They know him, they know his story and they carry him forever, and so I think that There's nothing greater than then to have a legacy for him.

Speaker 1: 37:51

Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 37:52

So, laura, i'm oh no, you go ahead. So, Um, i want to ask you two more things. One is, i want to hear all about Zachary, and then I want to hear how the people in our community and outside of our community can plug in and help you. So, whichever you'd like to start with, Well, zachary had the greatest smile.

Speaker 3: 38:17

Honestly, he, i mean, he just lit up the room. He was always laughing. He was incredibly, incredibly smart. He taught himself how to play the piano And he could buy my year. Yeah, yeah, he could play anything like Within a year. So, like, the best thing I ever did was buy a piano for $50 off of Craigslist, nice. He taught himself how to play Mozart and you know, modern rock 21 pilots Like he could play anything.

Speaker 3: 38:50

And, yeah, just from hearing it, um, and so I don't know. I have a lot of beautiful memories, um, and I try to focus more on how he lived than how he died, but it's, i mean, it's very bittersweet. You know, as far as how people can reach us, marshmallows hope org, we're on all of the social media sites, so Facebook and Instagram are also at Marshmallow's hope, and Marshmallow is spelled just like the food, so I guess, when we're talking about Zachary, a little fun. Fact is, when I was trying to come up with how to name this Organization, i didn't want it to be the typical like Zachary Burkholz Foundation, and so when he was younger, we used to call him Marshmallow, because he Try to have like this tough persona on the outside, but really he was so loving and was she on the inside? She was just a giant Marshmallow And he hated it.

Speaker 3: 39:50

He's the. It's so mad at me, like that's such a ridiculous name, you know. And so now I can hear him laughing like really, mom, you named it Marshmallows. But yes, so that's. That's the meeting behind the name. And then hope is an acronym for hold on pain ends, and we want people to know that. You know, maybe I should have put something like, i don't know, hold on pain Become sandageable, because it doesn't really. But but we want people to know that, like if they are struggling, if they Are having thoughts that they would be better off dead, i'm here to tell them that that is not the case. They would be missed, they're very loved and Anybody would be willing to listen to them.

Speaker 2: 40:36

Then to Have to miss them in the way that I have to miss, Yeah, well, it honestly like I about five times, like Terry said, i got goosebumps through my whole body like you are such a Beacon of hope for our whole community and I hope now a lot of people hear this through our What women want podcast and lots of other areas of the world, and so if they are going through something like this, you know This is one way that they can heal and help themselves is by starting. You know some sort of way to help other people and I love what you said, laura, that, like you've been an example. Now other Programs are popping up around the community and it's that ripple effect that you know. That's just one of the beautiful things about life. So you know, as I said earlier before we started Terry and I started this podcast because, you know, through our life and our Most traumatic moments, we have been there for each other and we kind of call each other soul sisters And it's been one of those protective factors that you mentioned.

Speaker 2: 41:42

Laura's like having that person that you can call and you can get Into the field position if you need to, and you know there's going to be no judgment. So is there a woman in your life who comes to mind. That has just been a beacon of hope for you and a light in Somebody. That comes to mind when I say that.

Speaker 3: 42:00

Yeah, so in this journey, I mean, i've met a lot of beautiful people and But there's one really special person that I met on accident. I was like in the wrong meeting at the right time. So her name is Marlena and she Honestly, like she's just an incredible human being and she's been my rock in this last year that I'm knowing her and it's it's bizarre Because I mean I haven't known her my entire life, but I feel like I've known her my entire life And so I'm just super grateful that she's, i can now call her my friend. And out of that like wrong time at the right time, you know, i, i, i have her in my life now and so I'm I'm super grateful for her. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:49

I hope she, i hope she hears this podcast and can you can Important right you are to her. So, terry, any final thoughts before we end.

Speaker 1: 42:58

I just want to say thank you again for being so vulnerable and sharing your story. I Always think if there's just one person out there every episode, i always think if there's just one person out there that Needed to hear this message today, then I'm so grateful that you were the person to deliver it. I just wish you continue success in everything you're doing. It sounds like you, everything you touch and put your mind to you accomplish, so I'll be excited to kind of watch you grow over the years and, you know, if we can be any assistance to help you get the word about out, about your, your programs and any kind of events or fund Razors, your website, anything, let us know we. We would love to do that for you in your community.

Speaker 3: 43:40

Thank you, thank you so much. It's been an honor to chat with you ladies today and I'm just. You will always have a special place in my heart. I know how much you miss your mom and I know that it hasn't been easy to have to miss both of your parents, not just your mom. But I'm so honored that You know when I can say that I became a licensed clinical social worker. You will always be a part of that because you've helped me financially to achieve that goal, and so I don't know, i'm just forever grateful and you have a very special place in my heart and I I love it. So, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you, a great way to end the show.

Speaker 2: 44:24

Thanks for being here, both of you.

Speaker 1: 44:27

I mean everybody else. Enjoy the rest of your day, thank you. Well, that's a wrap for this week. Thank you so much for joining us. We're so glad to be here with you.

Speaker 2: 44:38

And just remember, we're here to serve. Reach out, connect with us on social media platforms and dig in deeper.

Speaker 1: 44:46

All those things will be in the podcast show notes, so join us. We kept me to continue the conversation with you over there.