Day 7 Connection and Community - Seven Swans

In this episode, host Terri Kellums discusses the importance of connection with community for mental health and personal growth. She reflects on her own experiences of feeling disconnected after moving to a new place and emphasizes the need for socialization and support. Terri shares various strategies for finding and building a community, including joining interest-based groups, using online platforms like Meetup.com, and connecting with others through work and hobbies. She also highlights the healing power of being in a supportive community and encourages listeners to navigate challenges with grace and elegance.

Takeaways

• Connection with community is important for mental health and personal growth.
• Finding community in a new place can be challenging, but there are strategies to overcome this.
• Interest-based groups, online communities, and social media can help in finding like-minded individuals.
• Overcoming fear and trying new activities, such as joining hiking groups, can lead to new connections.
• Meetup.com is a useful platform for finding and joining interest-based groups.
• Work and hobbies can also provide opportunities to meet new people and build community.
• Being in a supportive community can have a positive impact on overall well-being.
• Navigating challenges with grace and elegance can lead to personal growth.
• Joining a community can provide support and a sense of belonging.

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Reflection on 2023

00:58
The Importance of Connection with Community

03:07
Challenges of Finding Community in a New Place

05:30
Finding Community through Shared Interests

07:18
Online Communities and Social Media

09:39
Overcoming Fear and Joining Hiking Groups

10:34
Using Meetup.com to Find Interest-Based Groups

12:02
Finding Community through Work and Hobbies

13:22
The Importance of Being in Community

16:06
Reflection on Grace and Elegance in Personal Growth

16:32
Conclusion and Invitation to Join the Community

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

You're listening to the what Women Want Today podcast. If you love the idea of being part of a community of women who are looking to thrive, not just survive, you're in the right place. Join hosts Terry Cullums and Amanda Keeper each week, as they bring you topics and guests to help you improve your relationships, your health and your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Speaker 2: 0:31

Hello and welcome to today's episode of the what Women Want Today podcast. I am your host, terry Cullums. Thank you for sticking with me through this 12-day series. You know so far we have talked about. We began the whole series with talking about a reflection of 2023 and what kind of clarity we might get from reflecting on the things that we said we wanted to do in 2023, but we didn't actually do, what things might make it to the list for 2024 that you didn't accomplish, or what new things might you choose to focus on. You know we talked about developing a gratitude practice. We've talked about clearing the clutter, both physical and mental clutter. We talked about health and yesterday we talked about developing passions. Today we're going to talk about connection with community.

Speaker 2: 1:20

I cannot tell you how strongly I believe this is so important for our mental health, for our growth as a person, for fulfillment in life, and this has been something that I have struggled with. To be really honest with you since we moved down to Southern Arizona is just feeling so disconnected, not having the abundant socialization that I would typically be used to. And my husband said to me once, like you need people and he's so right, I need people. I would have said years, several years back. I would have said I was just extrovert all the way, 100% extrovert, because I've aged and maybe it's due to circumstances, you know, living in a couple different places over the past five years, I have probably gotten somewhere towards the middle, where I do love the socialization.

Speaker 2: 2:20

We are going to a New Year's Eve party at our friend's house and I'm going to bring some food. I'm excited about, you know, the food I'm going to bring. I'm excited about the games we're going to play. I'm excited about the conversation. So the friends, the husband's parents, are going to be there and I can't speak for Brian, I'll just speak for myself right now. I absolutely adore these people. I wish they would adopt me as their daughter-in-law. I mean, I adore them and I am so looking forward I just so looking forward to being in their company.

Speaker 2: 3:01

You have people like that in your life that you just you're so looking forward to being in their presence. Like you just get your cup filled up by being around them If you don't have enough of those people like this is what today's episode is all about is finding a community to connect with, finding a tribe of women. It's not as easy as it used to be right, because we used to have kids in school or kids involved in things. Or maybe you were like me and grew up your whole life in a small town where you knew just about everybody. Like it was impossible for me to walk into the grocery store without running into somebody that I knew. I remember my daughter, my youngest daughter, who is she's very introverted, she's a five on the Enneagram, if you know the Enneagram at all. So she, you know she needs a lot of downtime. She does like to be with her friends and she likes to do social activities, but she needs a lot of downtime.

Speaker 2: 3:56

And so I was an insurance agent at this point in the story and I had been approached by a marketing advertising company to put my picture on the shopping carts. So if you were in Valley Produce in Loves Park, illinois, and you went grocery shopping, you were going to see my business card in a bigger format. You know I was going to go grocery shopping with you. In fact I would get phone calls. Terri, I'm grocery shopping with you right now, like what? But anyway.

Speaker 2: 4:29

So you know, living in a small community, you know, growing up there my whole life, I knew plenty of people I had plenty of opportunity for socialization, would be in the grocery store and inevitably, you know, conversations would happen and sometimes they were clients, sometimes they were friends. But my daughter would say, mom, do you ever go anywhere and talk to anybody? So I would have said back then that I was 100% extrovert, need people. I still think I need people. I don't think that's changed. I think it's just the amount of socialization perhaps has changed, or the quantity, maybe, of it. Like, do I need it every day? No, but do I need it at least once a week? Yes, so you have to get really creative if you move to a new place. Do you guys remember who did I have on the podcast? I can picture her. She was the woman who talked about relocation and how you find your perfect place. Her name escapes Margaret, margaret Vandergrist, maybe.

Speaker 2: 5:34

Anyways, you know it's tough when you move to a new place and you don't have the connections. My husband, you know, obviously works with a lot of men and they have wives and there's some opportunity there to meet new people. I thought joining the gym would be a great opportunity because they say, you know, go and get involved in places where you meet the people who have similar interests to you, and I do believe that's true. But it just didn't happen and that's okay because you know sometimes when you're there and you're just really focused on working out. And but we just got a new Michael's craft store in our little town and I told my husband I don't know if they still do those crafting classes, but I'm going to go. If they do, I'm going to go as soon as it opens, find out if they're still holding the crafting classes, and I am bound to meet somebody there that enjoys crafting and art and stuff as much as I do the creative pursuits that I always talk about. So there's, there's one avenue.

Speaker 2: 6:37

And then my new friend that I mentioned yesterday, the one that we were trying to get our walk scheduled, and you know she and I both are kind of in the same boat. They just moved here a few months back from Big Bear Lake in California and you know we're just, we're just very vulnerable with each other. We're like this is hard. This is hard to meet new people here. Neither one of us work outside the home, so that makes it a little bit more challenging. But one of the things that her and I talked about the other day on our walk was they have a book club at the library, she told me, and so we're going to check out the book club at the library. Now my version of book club is a lot different maybe than the library's version of book club, but maybe if I meet some women there that I connect with, maybe that will turn into a book club that, you know, my friend and I can can share the the opportunity to host in our home. And you know, when I say book club and Amanda and I met at book club, we didn't talk about the book a whole lot, it was more about female bonding, and that's what I'm really looking for. But I do love books, so I can talk about books too.

Speaker 2: 7:49

The other place that I would say that's recently happened for me is there's a Facebook group that I happened upon on in my scrolling one day and gosh the name of it. It's a longer name but it's something like female friendships over 40 or something like that and from that particular group in the conversations people are like oh, you know, it'd be great if we could like meet and have coffee. And so there are now there are these side chats going on and they're broken down by state. And I went into the Arizona one the other day and I just said, does anybody live in this year of this area? And the lady said I do. And so I clicked on her profile and I, you know, it's kind of like the dating thing, right, like, if you've ever done the dating sites or apps I guess now I met Brian, I'm matchcom, but back then it was a website, right. So you know, you go on there and you're looking like, what is this guy interested in? Like what does I mean? There's got to be some physical attraction. You're like, okay, what is this? And you're scrolling and you're looking at their pictures or whatever Same thing with this woman, right?

Speaker 2: 9:01

So I'm, I'm stalking her at this point, like, you know, what does she post about? Does she have children? Is she married? Like I'm looking for the things that are going to connect us together, because you can't really force a friendship. So I want to know if there's initially some level that her and I are going to be able to connect on some very basic level other than being women. And she kind of met, she checked some of my boxes and I thought, well, it's not going to hurt me to friend request her. So I sent her a message back and I said, hey, I just friend requested you and so you know, if she gets back to me I'm going to pursue it. I'm going to ask her if she wants to meet for coffee. I'm going to invite my new friend along, and it's just those types of things.

Speaker 2: 9:43

We have several hiking groups here in Arizona, in this community that I live in. I mean, I've showed you guys pictures on social media of, like, the mountain ranges. There's some beautiful places to go hiking around here. I love to hike. At first I was intimidated and I used an excuse the fear thing that I talked about yesterday. Right, reject because of fear and the unknown, and I didn't want to go on these. I think probably in some on some level, if I'm being really honest, because my head's almost kind of pushing me towards it and I I don't like people telling me what to do. I'm being funny, anyway. So now that I've got my arthritis and my knee kind of under control and I know what my limits are, I'm going to pursue some of these hiking groups for next year.

Speaker 2: 10:33

It's getting really cold here in southern Arizona right now. We are, I think we're in the 5000-ish elevation range, so the temperatures are a lot different than the Phoenix area and it's cold. So where else? So hiking groups? Oh, here's another really good one. I don't know if you guys are familiar with this website or not, but think of anything that you're interested in. Like when I was in Phoenix I belonged to the West Valley, I think it was the West Valley Entrepreneur Group. There was a writing group, what else? There was a hiking group there as well. There were several, several, and if you are not sure if they're in your area, just go to their website meetupcom, m-e-e-t-u-pcom.

Speaker 2: 11:22

Search for something that interests you, something you like to do A knitting group, a sewing group, a cooking group, writing what Photography? I think there was a photography one, if I remember right. Go on there and see what you're interested in, and then they always meet in a public place. It's not like I guess it could be weird, but it's not weird. See what they're doing. I noticed when I was looking at it a while back it's been a while, but I noticed there's even some that like we'll take a trip from the Phoenix area to like Sedona for the day to. You know, there's like little shops and stuff up there? And what is the other really neat place up there in that area? Flagstaff, sedona, I think it's called Jerome Jerome. It's a neat little town to go and just kind of walk around for the day. There's supposed to be like. I think there's like a haunted mansion there and some really good restaurants. Anyway, go in, go on there on matchmatchcom, meetupcom, which are interested in their see what kind of groups are meeting in your area.

Speaker 2: 12:25

I think the last tip that I have for you today is so my other friend that lives here our husbands work together, the ones we're going to their party she is super interested in gardening and they have like a master gardening class at the local community college, but I think she also went to one through a Facebook group. So she's, she's tried several different things and she, you know she works outside the home. She works at we have an army base here and they have writing stables and so she does horseback riding lessons and so she's she's meeting new people through her job, which I think is. It's very common like for a lot of friendships to develop from our workplace, from our spouses, from our hobbies, from our church, things like that.

Speaker 2: 13:10

But really I cannot stress how important that I believe this is and I think I've mentioned this on the podcast before and this is just it's kind of morbid, but this is like just a real life conversation that I have with my husband. If I, if he is fairly young, if I'm fairly young and he passes, if I'm a young widow, I will not stay down here in Southern Arizona. I will like my plan and I got this plan from Marie Scott if you remember her on the podcast, see this podcast. Like I have gotten so many good connections and things from this podcast. I am so appreciative and thankful for this podcast and all of the opportunities that's given me.

Speaker 2: 13:55

But if you remember Marie Scott, she does like the retreats and things for and she does some kind of course for widows. She is the one who was with her husband. He was a firefighter and they were together, married happily for years and he passed and she talked about how you know she went down to Florida, she met all these people and then she did something that she never thought was going to happen, which is she met a new man and got remarried. And it's not that I want to go to Florida to get remarried, but I want to be in community, with other people, being a part of a supportive community, I think at almost any age. I can't even picture an age where I don't think it would be important, like when you're younger.

Speaker 2: 14:42

And you know, like I remember when I we lived in Virginia, my, the father of my and my husband of my three older children was in the Navy and we were stationed in Virginia and I was pregnant with twins and so I belong to a mother of twins group. I mean, what better place to, you know, get support on something that is super difficult, right, like having twins, and my oldest daughter was 3 and a half when they were born, so I was 20 years old with 3 kids under 5. So you know, there's so much support and I believe healing happens in community. So, like like with Marie Scott, you know, like being I can't even imagine I this year. I mean, we're at that age now where we're losing people, right, we're losing people we love, and One of the more heartbreaking ones in my own personal life was our old neighbors. They were high school sweethearts and just I just have so much love for that family and when I found that the husband had passed, like it just really hurt my heart.

Speaker 2: 15:53

And so you know people like Marie Scott who are offering Community where no one understands what it's like to be a widow or other than other widow or widowers, right. So that's the kind of that's the kind of community I'm talking about, like where you can go and thrive, be encouraged, share laughter, share common interests, be supported. Yeah, that's that's what I feel so strongly about today's topic the connection with community. So I'm going to leave you today with the definition of 7 swans is swimming. Do you catch yourself like Every day when I think about this? I go 7 swans is swimming. So, excuse the language, to sing it, to remember which 1, and I only know it backwards, I can't do it forwards, okay, so 7 swans of swimming are often associated with grace and beauty. So let's use this day to explore themes of grace and elegance in personal growth, and I'm going to encourage you to navigate your challenges with poise. And so that's your reflection for today. And head over to our community on Facebook the links are in the show notes and get involved and become a part of that community. Let's make it a great place to be very supportive where other women who are going through things they don't feel like they have to go through them alone.

Speaker 2: 17:22

And that is today's episode. So thank you so much for being here with me today. I look forward to joining you tomorrow. Take care and happy new year. Amanda, I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I sometimes will learn something really cool on a podcast, on YouTube, video, audio book, whatever. I think I'm going to remember it, and then I forget. Does that ever happen to you?

Speaker 3: 17:46

Yeah, I call it brain after 40 all the time.

Speaker 2: 17:50

That's what we'll officially call it, but we've come up with something. Do you want to introduce it?

Speaker 3: 17:55

Sure, it's from an app called quick, jim quick, and it's an acronym called fast.

Speaker 2: 18:01

Yeah, and it stands for Facebook. So we're inviting you officially right now to come over and join us on Facebook. Get involved with the community, share your favorite episodes with your friends on Facebook.

Speaker 3: 18:11

Yeah, the A is go ahead and take an action, so you can't remember anything if you don't act.

Speaker 2: 18:18

And S is for subscribe. Make sure you're subscribed to our YouTube channel.

Speaker 3: 18:22

And then teach what you've learned to somebody else. Share the love.

Speaker 2: 18:26

Alright, we hope that works for you. Thank you for joining us. We'll see you next week.

Speaker 3: 18:30

Bye, bye.